Coaching Corner

Susan Holt’s Coaching Corner

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September 7th, 7:39 am

Susan Holt's Coaching Corner
Thanks Tom for all you do to help families and children through high school, college, and life! And now ... See MoreSee Less

September 3rd, 9:27 am

Susan Holt's Coaching Corner
MUTE YOUR TECH, NOT YOUR KIDS: Many years ago, when my dad saw me standing in the doorway of his bedroom while he was trying to enjoy a hard-earned break watching a tv show, he IMMEDIATELY muted the TV, turned and said, “What do you need?” He never said “Wait till I see the end of this show, okay?” Mind you, these were the days before we could record every show and playback the part we missed! If he didn’t get to see how the Good Guys beat the Bad Guys after investing 55 minutes in a show, that was fine with him. I was more important. My dad listened. Let’s put our show and our devices on MUTE. Let’s turn toward our kids and be present when they need to connect with us: eye-to-eye, face-to-face and heart-to-heart. ... See MoreSee Less
MUTE YOUR TECH, NOT YOUR KIDS:  Many years ago, when my dad saw me standing in the doorway of his bedroom while he was trying to enjoy a hard-earned break watching a tv show, he IMMEDIATELY muted the TV, turned and said, “What do you need?”  He never said “Wait till I see the end of this show, okay?”  Mind you, these were the days before we could record every show and playback the part we missed!  If he didn’t get to see how the Good Guys beat the Bad Guys after investing 55 minutes in a show, that was fine with him.  I was more important.  My dad listened.  Let’s put our show and our devices on MUTE. Let’s turn toward our kids and be present when they need to connect with us: eye-to-eye, face-to-face and heart-to-heart.

August 26th, 4:14 pm

Susan Holt's Coaching Corner
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August 17th, 6:29 am

Susan Holt's Coaching Corner
WAS IT GOD, OR TEDDY ROOSEVELT? Brene Brown says this quote changed her life: “It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man (or woman) who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly, who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly.” I think it was both. (For more brave vulnerability, see Brene Brown’s Netflix Special “Call to Courage”) ... See MoreSee Less

August 6th, 12:01 pm

Susan Holt's Coaching Corner
Be empowered as a parent! See this quick clip from Mia White's parenting wisdom. Join us August 12 for an online workshop with another EPS Parent Coach, Meg Zehmer! ... See MoreSee Less

June 10th, 3:57 pm

Susan Holt's Coaching Corner
Great interview with Ryan Dobson (James's son) on the 7 types of relationships (the Seven "C's"), the importance of getting relational "nutrients" from others to heal, restore and grow, and how to find a Life Team...it's more than God, your spouse and your Labrador! ... See MoreSee Less

May 19th, 5:14 pm

Susan Holt's Coaching Corner
BREATHING IS BECOMING BLASÉ. OH NO! As a parent coach, I’m beginning to see a trend: Mindfulness breathing is getting a bad rap with kids! Parents tell me their children say, “No, I will NOT breathe!” What’s going on with this amazingly effective tool? I think we’ve all done such a good job of saying “Breathe!” to help our kids calm down that we’ve forgotten they can’t hear us when they are in limbic hijack mode. If we demand “Breathe” when our kids are distressed, it’s the same as yelling “Calm Down!” (remember “Serenity Now!” Seinfeld-fans?) and who likes to hear that when we are anything BUT calm? Your child may need to smash up some Play Do or run around the yard! You may find that some emotion coaching is called for to help your child breathe. Try something like “Wow- you seem really mad!” or “You really hated losing that game, didn’t you?” or “You’re angry at your best friend for sending that text. I get that!” Then breathe. Talk. Together. ... See MoreSee Less
BREATHING IS BECOMING BLASÉ.  OH NO! As a parent coach, I’m beginning to see a trend: Mindfulness breathing is getting a bad rap with kids!  Parents tell me their children say, “No, I will NOT breathe!” What’s going on with this amazingly effective tool?   I think we’ve all done such a good job of saying “Breathe!” to help our kids calm down that we’ve forgotten they can’t hear us when they are in limbic hijack mode.  If we demand “Breathe” when our kids are distressed, it’s the same as yelling “Calm Down!” (remember “Serenity Now!” Seinfeld-fans?) and who likes to hear that when we are anything BUT calm?  Your child may need to smash up some Play Do or run around the yard!  You may find that some emotion coaching is called for to help your child breathe. Try something like “Wow- you seem really mad!” or “You really hated losing that game, didn’t you?”  or “You’re angry at your best friend for sending that text.  I get that!”  Then breathe.  Talk.  Together.

May 19th, 5:13 pm

Susan Holt's Coaching Corner
A LOVING BOUNDARY CAN FEEL TERRIBLE NOW, BUT TERRIFIC LATER. I was driving downtown Richmond and found myself really confused. I turned right and a horn blared, long and hard. I was facing another car hood-to-hood on a one-way street, the wrong way. My heart stopped! I felt awful! But that horn was a boundary that saved me and saved the other driver too. If you are being abused in a relationship, or manipulated, or find that your children constantly pull you into power plays, or you are simply in need of a re-set, set a healthy boundary. You can be firm, but respectful. With a child, it’s character-building! With a family member or co-worker -or your boss - it’s affirmation that you want the relationship to be a healthy one. Have the hard talk, get the help, stop the abuse and save yourself, or someone you love. ... See MoreSee Less
A LOVING BOUNDARY CAN FEEL TERRIBLE NOW, BUT TERRIFIC LATER.  I was driving downtown Richmond and found myself really confused.  I turned right and a horn blared, long and hard.  I was facing another car hood-to-hood on a one-way street, the wrong way.  My heart stopped! I felt awful!  But that horn was a boundary that saved me and saved the other driver too.  If you are being abused in a relationship, or manipulated, or find that your children constantly pull you into power plays, or you are simply in need of a re-set, set a healthy boundary.  You can be firm, but respectful.  With a child, it’s character-building!  With a family member or co-worker -or your boss -  it’s affirmation that you want the relationship to be a healthy one.  Have the hard talk, get the help, stop the abuse and save yourself, or someone you love.

May 11th, 11:30 am

Susan Holt's Coaching Corner
This is TOO FUNNY! A light-hearted look at the world of MOMs everywhere! Have a laugh and hug someone who loves you back- mom or not! ... See MoreSee Less
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ANXIOUS? USE THE FORCE! Rene Jain, my favorite anxiety specialist and author of “GoZen!” says Star Wars is really a movie about Mindfulness. “Search your feelings, Luke.” Teach your children (and remind yourself) that all feelings are acceptable, but all behaviors are not. See Jain’s two minute video here, explore her wonderful GoZen! materials, and- I have to say it - MAY the FOURTH be with you! youtu.be/9WdMvkctKEo ... See MoreSee Less
ANXIOUS?  USE THE FORCE! Rene Jain, my favorite anxiety specialist and author of “GoZen!” says Star Wars is really a movie about Mindfulness.  “Search your feelings, Luke.”  Teach your children (and remind yourself)  that all feelings are acceptable, but all behaviors are not. See Jain’s two minute video here, explore her wonderful GoZen! materials, and-  I have to say it - MAY the FOURTH be with you! https://youtu.be/9WdMvkctKEo

April 22nd, 10:12 am

Susan Holt's Coaching Corner
I WAS DROWNING. Or at least I thought I was. I was ten and had been sailing in an ocean bay with a friend for the first time. We had NO idea what we were doing. We ran into – something! - and the mast broke. I fell overboard. As the waves dunked me over and over again, I kicked and swallowed salt water until I saw a strong hand reaching out for me. It was my friend’s father, an experienced sailor and at that time, my savior. I was so relieved that I completely relaxed and held on tightly. I remember being somewhat incredulous and even offended that he yelled at me! What was he saying? “Kick” and “You gotta help me get you into the boat!” Of course I did! One of the Ten Laws of Boundaries (Dr. John Townsend) is “The Law of Activity.” We are grateful for support, wisdom, God’s intervention, but at the same time we need to own our situation and take initiative. Encourage your children: when they feel they are “drowning” with schoolwork, friendships, family troubles, take initiative, work hard, and take ownership of their part so they can get back in the boat- but knowing the whole time that YOUR hand is there, stretched out for them to grasp. ... See MoreSee Less
I WAS DROWNING.  Or at least I thought I was.  I was ten and had been sailing in an ocean bay with a friend for the first time.  We had NO idea what we were doing.  We ran into – something! - and the mast broke.  I fell overboard.  As the waves dunked me over and over again, I kicked and swallowed salt water until I saw a strong hand reaching out for me.  It was my friend’s father, an experienced sailor and at that time, my savior.  I was so relieved that I completely relaxed and held on tightly.  I remember being somewhat incredulous and even offended that he yelled at me!  What was he saying? “Kick” and “You gotta help me get you into the boat!”  Of course I did!  One of the Ten Laws of Boundaries (Dr. John Townsend) is “The Law of Activity.”  We are grateful for support, wisdom, God’s intervention, but at the same time we need to own our situation and take initiative.  Encourage your children:  when they feel they are “drowning” with schoolwork, friendships, family troubles, take initiative, work hard, and take ownership of their part so they can get back in the boat- but knowing the whole time that YOUR hand is there, stretched out for them to grasp.

April 19th, 6:10 pm

Susan Holt's Coaching Corner
I’M SO GLAD MY CHILD WAS BORN WITH SELF-CONTROL” said no parent ever. It’s our job to teach it. But here’s the catch: they learn more from what we DO than what we SAY. Modeling self-control can be hard! But here are some easy ideas: When you want to plan a vacation or upgrade your device, take your time. Teach your child how you will save up for it and EARN it. When you’re angry with your partner, that’s okay, but fight fair. And then show your child how you get some space, or breathe, and calm down. Let him see you resolve the conflict. When your child comes home rejected by her “frenemies,” don’t go after the other kid (or the parents!) Let her know first that you understand that this hurts! Maybe it’s happened to you? And then ask: “How do you want to handle this?” Self-control starts from within…yourself. ... See MoreSee Less
I’M SO GLAD MY CHILD WAS BORN WITH SELF-CONTROL” said no parent ever. It’s our job to teach it.  But here’s the catch:  they learn more from what we DO than what we SAY.  Modeling self-control can be hard! But here are some easy ideas:  When you want to plan a vacation or upgrade your device, take your time.  Teach your child how you will save up for it and EARN it. When you’re angry with your partner, that’s okay, but fight fair. And then show your child how you get some space, or breathe, and calm down. Let him see you resolve the conflict.  When your child comes home rejected by her “frenemies,” don’t go after the other kid (or the parents!)  Let her know first that you understand that this hurts! Maybe it’s happened to you?  And then ask:  “How do you want to handle this?”  Self-control starts from within…yourself.

March 25th, 6:22 pm

Susan Holt's Coaching Corner
PROACTIVE PARENTING TIP: “Mamamamamamamama!” Do you hear this in grocery stores like I do? At home? Our kids need to learn to wait, and I learned this gentle method from one of my beautiful students at Steward School: when her mom is on the phone or with a friend, she touches her arm and waits silently. Mom immediately looks at her, acknowledges her presence, and politely pauses her conversation to take care of her daughter’s question quickly, or tells her she needs to wait longer. The child knows from experience that mom sees her and will tend to her need when she can. No whining and crying needed. By the way, my “teacher” was six years old. ... See MoreSee Less
PROACTIVE PARENTING TIP:  “Mamamamamamamama!” Do you hear this in grocery stores like I do?   At home?  Our kids need to learn to wait, and I learned this gentle method from one of my beautiful students at Steward School:  when her mom is on the phone or with a friend, she touches her arm and waits silently.  Mom immediately looks at her, acknowledges her presence, and politely pauses her conversation to take care of her daughter’s question quickly, or tells her she needs to wait longer.  The child knows from experience that mom sees her and will tend to her need  when she can.  No whining and crying needed.  By the way, my “teacher” was six years old.

March 24th, 4:46 pm

Susan Holt's Coaching Corner
AS LONG AS EVERYTHING GOES EXACTLY LIKE I WANT IT, I’M TOTALLY FLEXIBLE. Yikes! I’m a planner. But I teach families to help their children plan well (Plan A) so they’ll have the CAPACITY and CHARACTER to deal with the unexpected (Plans B- Z). And that’s uncomfortable, but that’s when we grow. My husband and I planned to fly out from Phoenix this morning to finally come home after several days away, but our flight was overbooked! So here we are, spending an unplanned day away, WITHOUT our bags. Plan A has yielded to Plan B. At home, sadly, a dear friend to the Steward School has unexpectedly passed away. How can we possibly have the capacity for this? We will stop and talk with our friends, and with our children. We will show them how to take some unexpected time to feel the feelings, share the heartache, and celebrate the memory of this person, now in heaven. And out of the unexpected will come growth in character and capacity, to be resilient for the next unexpected thing to come our way. ... See MoreSee Less
AS LONG AS EVERYTHING GOES EXACTLY LIKE I WANT IT, I’M TOTALLY FLEXIBLE.  Yikes!  I’m a planner.  But I teach families to help their children plan well (Plan A) so they’ll have the CAPACITY and CHARACTER to deal with the unexpected (Plans B- Z).   And that’s uncomfortable, but that’s when we grow.  My husband and I planned to fly out from Phoenix this morning to finally come home after several days away, but our flight was overbooked!  So here we are, spending an unplanned day away, WITHOUT our bags.  Plan A has yielded to Plan B.  At home, sadly, a dear friend to the Steward School has unexpectedly passed away.  How can we possibly have the capacity for this?  We will stop and talk with our friends, and with our children. We will show them how to take some unexpected time to feel the feelings, share the heartache, and celebrate the memory of this person, now in heaven.  And out of the unexpected will come growth in character and capacity, to be resilient for the next unexpected thing to come our way.

March 16th, 12:13 am

Susan Holt's Coaching Corner
HOW WERE YOU TAUGHT TO HANDLE LOSS? Think positive. Be strong. Suck it up, Buttercup. Yesterday, my father-in-law passed on. He was much-loved and had provided a warm and stable home to two adopted boys, my husband and his brother. Like a tuning fork, his passing struck a tone that resonated with the other recent griefs in my life: the passing of my mom and my dad. In contrast to these isolating ways to recover from loss, I’ve learned that experiencing grief is God’s way of helping us heal and move “through.” And we do that best in relationship. Our pastor, Nelson, came to visit my husband and me, and helped us enter into the sadness, together. We also remembered that death has no “sting.” No victory. It is just the next step into a new and beautiful life where we will see them again. Until then, there will be loss, but in community we’ll find comfort and the way through. ... See MoreSee Less
HOW WERE YOU TAUGHT TO HANDLE LOSS?  Think positive.  Be strong. Suck it up, Buttercup.  Yesterday, my father-in-law passed on.  He was much-loved and had provided a warm and stable home to two adopted boys, my husband and his brother.   Like a tuning fork, his passing struck a tone that resonated with the other recent griefs in my life:  the passing of my mom and my dad. In contrast to these isolating ways to recover from loss, I’ve learned that experiencing grief is God’s way of helping us heal and move “through.” And we do that best in relationship.  Our pastor, Nelson, came to visit my husband and me, and helped us enter into the sadness, together.  We also remembered that death has no “sting.”  No victory.  It is just the next step into a new and beautiful life where we will see them again.  Until then, there will be loss, but in community we’ll find comfort and the way through.

March 15th, 3:47 pm

Susan Holt's Coaching Corner
Here's Face Book Live workshop on "Raising a Resilient Middle Schooler." We had a blast! Contact me at susan@susanholtcoaching.com for handouts, consults and workshops. Thank you Holman Middle School for hosting and Cameron K Gallagher Foundation for sharing the presentation with me! You rock! ... See MoreSee Less

March 7th, 11:48 am

Susan Holt's Coaching Corner
Relationship Foundation is offering an AWESOME opportunity at Byrd Theater - let's get all the insight we can on helping our relationships improve and be healthier! Come join us! ... See MoreSee Less

March 4th, 9:26 pm

Susan Holt's Coaching Corner
TRY YOUR BEST TO MAKE GOODNESS ATTRACTIVE. Yes, it looks wimpy. It feels like it’s much more important to “teach someone a lesson!” doesn’t it? Does that help our anxiety? Our children’s character? Strangers who might be helped by a little self-control? It’s hard to go counter-cultural! I recently watched a black sedan sweep into a parking space that a red car was waiting for. WOW! The red car driver leaned on his horn so hard it shattered the beautiful Saturday morning around all of us. But that wasn’t enough. He then yelled at the top of his voice so that EVERYONE could hear: “What did you think I was waiting for, you ***?” When the first driver got out of his car, I thought I was going to see a fist fight, but he employed a hand signal instead and scuttled away. I felt bad, I worried about what little ones saw and heard, and I imagine they both felt awful and angry for hours! “Try your best to make goodness attractive. That’s one of the toughest assignments you’ll ever be given,” comes from the late Fred Rogers. Wouldn’t a bit of goodness, forgiveness, or patience have been a balm to everyone’s soul that morning? ... See MoreSee Less
TRY YOUR BEST TO MAKE GOODNESS ATTRACTIVE.  Yes, it looks wimpy.  It feels like it’s much more important to “teach someone a lesson!” doesn’t it? Does that help our anxiety?  Our children’s character?  Strangers who might be helped by a little self-control?  It’s hard to go counter-cultural!  I recently watched a black sedan sweep into a parking space that a red car was waiting for.  WOW!  The red car driver leaned on his horn so hard it shattered the beautiful Saturday morning around all of us.  But that wasn’t enough.  He then yelled at the top of his voice so that EVERYONE could hear:  “What did you think I was waiting for, you ***?”  When the first driver got out of his car, I thought I was going to see a fist fight, but he employed a hand signal instead and scuttled away.  I felt bad, I worried about what little ones saw and heard, and I imagine they both felt awful and angry for hours! “Try your best to make goodness attractive.  That’s one of the toughest assignments you’ll ever be given,” comes from the late Fred Rogers. Wouldn’t a bit of goodness, forgiveness, or patience have been a balm to everyone’s soul that morning?

February 20th, 3:22 pm

Susan Holt's Coaching Corner
SAVE the DATE!
Are you a parent or caregiver with questions? You're not alone! Everyday Parenting Solutions is here to provide answers to those tough parenting challenges about children of any age. Our FREE panel discussion is Wednesday, April 10. Choose from either a morning or evening session. See the ad below and stay tuned for registration to begin SOON!
... See MoreSee Less
SAVE the DATE!  
Are you a parent or caregiver with questions?  Youre not alone!  Everyday Parenting Solutions is here to provide answers to those tough parenting challenges about children of any age.  Our FREE panel discussion is Wednesday, April 10.  Choose from either a morning or evening session.  See the ad below and stay tuned for registration to begin SOON!

February 5th, 5:09 pm

Susan Holt's Coaching Corner
DETOX AT DINNER! Did you know dinner isn’t about the food? It’s about Relationship! I do a lot of family coaching around the impact – good and bad- of technology today. Make sure your family experiences Device Free times and Device Free Spaces. The easiest time to agree on is Dinnertime! To kick it off, put a rose in the middle of the table and ask “What were your roses today? What were your thorns?” Make sure YOU take a turn too and MODEL EMOTIONAL HONESTY. Own your wins and your fails. Keep the relationship-building and the love going strong in your family. ... See MoreSee Less
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