Coaching Corner

Susan Holt’s Coaching Corner

March 16th, 12:13 am

Susan Holt's Coaching Corner
HOW WERE YOU TAUGHT TO HANDLE LOSS? Think positive. Be strong. Suck it up, Buttercup. Yesterday, my father-in-law passed on. He was much-loved and had provided a warm and stable home to two adopted boys, my husband and his brother. Like a tuning fork, his passing struck a tone that resonated with the other recent griefs in my life: the passing of my mom and my dad. In contrast to these isolating ways to recover from loss, I’ve learned that experiencing grief is God’s way of helping us heal and move “through.” And we do that best in relationship. Our pastor, Nelson, came to visit my husband and me, and helped us enter into the sadness, together. We also remembered that death has no “sting.” No victory. It is just the next step into a new and beautiful life where we will see them again. Until then, there will be loss, but in community we’ll find comfort and the way through. ... See MoreSee Less
HOW WERE YOU TAUGHT TO HANDLE LOSS?  Think positive.  Be strong. Suck it up, Buttercup.  Yesterday, my father-in-law passed on.  He was much-loved and had provided a warm and stable home to two adopted boys, my husband and his brother.   Like a tuning fork, his passing struck a tone that resonated with the other recent griefs in my life:  the passing of my mom and my dad. In contrast to these isolating ways to recover from loss, I’ve learned that experiencing grief is God’s way of helping us heal and move “through.” And we do that best in relationship.  Our pastor, Nelson, came to visit my husband and me, and helped us enter into the sadness, together.  We also remembered that death has no “sting.”  No victory.  It is just the next step into a new and beautiful life where we will see them again.  Until then, there will be loss, but in community we’ll find comfort and the way through.

March 15th, 3:47 pm

Susan Holt's Coaching Corner
Here's Face Book Live workshop on "Raising a Resilient Middle Schooler." We had a blast! Contact me at susan@susanholtcoaching.com for handouts, consults and workshops. Thank you Holman Middle School for hosting and Cameron K Gallagher Foundation for sharing the presentation with me! You rock! ... See MoreSee Less

March 4th, 9:26 pm

Susan Holt's Coaching Corner
TRY YOUR BEST TO MAKE GOODNESS ATTRACTIVE. Yes, it looks wimpy. It feels like it’s much more important to “teach someone a lesson!” doesn’t it? Does that help our anxiety? Our children’s character? Strangers who might be helped by a little self-control? It’s hard to go counter-cultural! I recently watched a black sedan sweep into a parking space that a red car was waiting for. WOW! The red car driver leaned on his horn so hard it shattered the beautiful Saturday morning around all of us. But that wasn’t enough. He then yelled at the top of his voice so that EVERYONE could hear: “What did you think I was waiting for, you ***?” When the first driver got out of his car, I thought I was going to see a fist fight, but he employed a hand signal instead and scuttled away. I felt bad, I worried about what little ones saw and heard, and I imagine they both felt awful and angry for hours! “Try your best to make goodness attractive. That’s one of the toughest assignments you’ll ever be given,” comes from the late Fred Rogers. Wouldn’t a bit of goodness, forgiveness, or patience have been a balm to everyone’s soul that morning? ... See MoreSee Less
TRY YOUR BEST TO MAKE GOODNESS ATTRACTIVE.  Yes, it looks wimpy.  It feels like it’s much more important to “teach someone a lesson!” doesn’t it? Does that help our anxiety?  Our children’s character?  Strangers who might be helped by a little self-control?  It’s hard to go counter-cultural!  I recently watched a black sedan sweep into a parking space that a red car was waiting for.  WOW!  The red car driver leaned on his horn so hard it shattered the beautiful Saturday morning around all of us.  But that wasn’t enough.  He then yelled at the top of his voice so that EVERYONE could hear:  “What did you think I was waiting for, you ***?”  When the first driver got out of his car, I thought I was going to see a fist fight, but he employed a hand signal instead and scuttled away.  I felt bad, I worried about what little ones saw and heard, and I imagine they both felt awful and angry for hours! “Try your best to make goodness attractive.  That’s one of the toughest assignments you’ll ever be given,” comes from the late Fred Rogers. Wouldn’t a bit of goodness, forgiveness, or patience have been a balm to everyone’s soul that morning?

February 20th, 3:22 pm

Susan Holt's Coaching Corner
SAVE the DATE!
Are you a parent or caregiver with questions? You're not alone! Everyday Parenting Solutions is here to provide answers to those tough parenting challenges about children of any age. Our FREE panel discussion is Wednesday, April 10. Choose from either a morning or evening session. See the ad below and stay tuned for registration to begin SOON!
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SAVE the DATE!  
Are you a parent or caregiver with questions?  Youre not alone!  Everyday Parenting Solutions is here to provide answers to those tough parenting challenges about children of any age.  Our FREE panel discussion is Wednesday, April 10.  Choose from either a morning or evening session.  See the ad below and stay tuned for registration to begin SOON!

February 5th, 5:09 pm

Susan Holt's Coaching Corner
DETOX AT DINNER! Did you know dinner isn’t about the food? It’s about Relationship! I do a lot of family coaching around the impact – good and bad- of technology today. Make sure your family experiences Device Free times and Device Free Spaces. The easiest time to agree on is Dinnertime! To kick it off, put a rose in the middle of the table and ask “What were your roses today? What were your thorns?” Make sure YOU take a turn too and MODEL EMOTIONAL HONESTY. Own your wins and your fails. Keep the relationship-building and the love going strong in your family. ... See MoreSee Less

January 30th, 6:27 am

Susan Holt's Coaching Corner
THE MATH GOES LIKE THIS: You didn’t get the job. Your child lost it in the grocery store, again. You found out your sister is sick. Really sick. Your disappointment, frustration, anger or hurt is at a “10.” Share it with a friend or loved one or pray about it if you’re a praying person, on your knees, and your overwhelming emotion can be cut in HALF, descending to a manageable “5.” It doesn’t go away. You own it. But you named it and took it somewhere and started unpacking it. I didn’t do that last night. And I woke up with a knot in my stomach. So today will be different. I’ll be honest with myself and my friend and my God. FIND THE JOY AGAIN. IT’S AMAZING, MATH. ... See MoreSee Less
THE MATH GOES LIKE THIS:  You didn’t get the job.  Your child lost it in the grocery store, again.  You found out your sister is sick.  Really sick.  Your disappointment, frustration, anger or hurt is at a “10.”  Share it with a friend or loved one or pray about it if you’re a praying person, on your knees, and your overwhelming emotion can be cut in HALF, descending to a manageable “5.”  It doesn’t go away. You own it.  But you named it and took it somewhere and started unpacking it.  I didn’t do that last night.  And I woke up with a knot in my stomach.  So today will be different. I’ll be honest with myself and my friend and my God.  FIND THE JOY AGAIN.  IT’S AMAZING, MATH.

January 27th, 4:18 pm

Susan Holt's Coaching Corner
What’s your most dangerous weapon? Your tongue. Words can cut so deeply that the wound never fully heals. Can you remember a time when that happened to you? It certainly has happened to me, too. So begin to tame your tongue with these tips: 1) Own your response to the problem. It means starting your sentence with “I” instead of “you” (and no, NOT “I think that YOU…”). 2) Check your tone. If it’s gentle, warm and empathetic, your tone will calm not only their nerves, but your own. 3) PRACTICE your words with someone else before you use them. Be open to advice. And finally, 4) Be willing to learn: are you gaining some level of satisfaction, some empowerment, from using harsh words yourself? Use your words to talk about it with someone and put down your weapon. ... See MoreSee Less
What’s your most dangerous weapon? Your tongue.  Words can cut so deeply that the wound never fully heals.  Can you remember a time when that happened to you?  It certainly has happened to me, too.  So begin to tame your tongue with these tips:  1) Own your response to the problem.  It means starting your sentence with “I” instead of “you” (and no, NOT “I think that YOU…”).  2)  Check your tone.  If it’s gentle, warm and empathetic, your tone will calm not only their nerves, but your own.  3) PRACTICE your words with someone else before you use them.  Be open to advice. And finally, 4) Be willing to learn:  are you gaining some level of satisfaction, some empowerment, from using harsh words yourself?  Use your words to talk about it with someone and put down your weapon.

January 24th, 6:38 am

Susan Holt's Coaching Corner
Children are resilient…aren’t they? I just learned from counselor and author Diane Langberg that perhaps the best word is MALLEABLE. Rather than “bounce back,” children of trauma actually take on a NEW SHAPE, one that allows them to deal with real difficulty such as emotional and physical abuse, poverty, sadness, mental challenges. I know it’s hard at times, but let’s accept and love our children in the shape they are in, not what we wish they would be. Our empathy and joy for them is crucial so they can feel safe and begin to heal. Then they can take on a healthier “shape” that fits this better and happier world that YOU are in, with them. ... See MoreSee Less
Children are resilient…aren’t they? I just learned from counselor and author Diane Langberg that perhaps the best word is MALLEABLE.  Rather than “bounce back,” children of trauma actually take on a NEW SHAPE, one that allows them to deal with real difficulty such as emotional and physical abuse, poverty, sadness, mental challenges.  I know it’s hard at times, but let’s accept and love our children in the shape they are in, not what we wish they would be.  Our empathy and joy for them is crucial so they can feel safe and begin to heal.   Then they can take on a healthier “shape” that fits this better and happier world that YOU are in, with them.

January 14th, 5:18 pm

Susan Holt's Coaching Corner
CAN YOU METABOLIZE NEGATIVE INPUT? This is a question my psychologist brother asked me. When you receive a criticism, or something goes way out of whack, what do you do with it? Does it roll around inside you and drive you nuts? Or can you break it down into “what hurts and makes me sad or angry” and “what I learned?” Should you metabolize good things too? Absolutely! When someone affirms you, or compliments you, TAKE IT IN. Let their words and sincere appreciation become part of how you see yourself. Give yourself grace to become just a tad more confident. We need to metabolize the things that come at us day by day and hour by hour. My hope is that you, kind reader, will metabolize this as well. ... See MoreSee Less
CAN YOU METABOLIZE NEGATIVE INPUT?  This is a question my psychologist brother asked me. When you receive a criticism, or something goes way out of whack, what do you do with it?  Does it roll around inside you and drive you nuts? Or can you break it down into “what hurts and makes me sad or angry” and “what I learned?”  Should you metabolize good things too?  Absolutely!  When someone affirms you, or compliments you, TAKE IT IN.  Let their words and sincere appreciation become part of how you see yourself.  Give yourself grace to become just a tad more confident.  We need to metabolize the things that come at us day by day and hour by hour.  My hope is that you, kind reader, will metabolize this as well.

January 11th, 6:52 am

Susan Holt's Coaching Corner
EMPOWERED PARENTING TIP: You are your child’s emotional mirror. The concept of equilibrium says that if we yell, our kids will yell back. But if we whisper, stay calm, and listen to how our kids are feeling in the moment, over time our kids will do the same. Responding to our human need to belong, our kids will find equilibrium with the culture of our family, our style, and tone of communication with them. So find a source of peace, an outlet, a friend or partner that can help you increase your bandwidth so you connect with your kids in the way you want to see reflected back to you. And enjoy the beauty of being a parent. ... See MoreSee Less

January 7th, 8:43 am

Susan Holt's Coaching Corner
I’ve been reading Out of the Silent Planet by CS Lewis. The allegory that gives me hope this morning, and I would pass on to my friends and colleagues, is this: Earth, like all worlds, floats in heaven. God is not “here” as we are here. We must drop out of heaven into our world. For God, the millions of worlds He created are places in His heaven. Even though we cannot truly understand this, it is enough to know that He and His angels are even now in heaven, and around us too, filling the space between us and our challenges, our pain and sharing our joy. I hope that perspective lifts you up as you begin your day.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=HfyiHhJPDY0A video i put together of INDESCRIBABLE with photos from the HUbble Space Telescope
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Video image

January 4th, 9:24 am

Susan Holt's Coaching Corner
A Proactive Parenting Tip: MY CHILD IS SHY…” We say these words as our child hides behind our legs. I understand that parents hope this affirms their child, but what it actually does is gives him a label to hide behind. Instead, teach your child AHEAD of time how to greet others. Have fun with role plays, or make up stories about who he or she might meet and how he will manage the interaction with ease! Don’t rescue…empower with tools for life. Your children will be glad you did! 💙 ... See MoreSee Less

December 12th, 11:24 am

Susan Holt's Coaching Corner
THE HEARTBREAK OF PARENTING – is de-parenting. Most parents have a hard time with this, and I work on it every day myself. We pour our hearts and souls into these children of ours, give them the necessary ingredients to leave their home and start one of their own and…they do. “Parenting is the only relationship God designed whose goal is that it ends.” (Henry Cloud) If you are feeling this loss this holiday season, make way for a new season of friendship with your kids and know that you’ve survived the test of successful parenting! ... See MoreSee Less
THE HEARTBREAK OF PARENTING – is de-parenting.  Most parents have a hard time with this, and I work on it every day myself.  We pour our hearts and souls into these children of ours, give them the necessary ingredients to leave their home and start one of their own and…they do.  “Parenting is the only relationship God designed whose goal is that it ends.” (Henry Cloud) If you are feeling this loss this holiday season, make way for a new season of friendship with your kids and know that you’ve survived the test of successful parenting!

December 1st, 11:03 am

Susan Holt's Coaching Corner
At NASA: Let this hope of a beautiful future inspire you today. ❤️ ... See MoreSee Less
At NASA: Let this hope of a beautiful future inspire you today. ❤️

October 27th, 8:46 pm

Susan Holt's Coaching Corner
THE POWER OF YOUR RELATIONAL IMAGE. We are bombarded with hundreds of messages every day, many unhelpful, anxious and dark. And it’s 24/7, relentless. Here’s what I suggest: 1) Take just a moment to identify the feeling you’re feeling. Name it. 2) Call up your relational image, that particular person whose wisdom, love or truth you’ve internalized. And listen to what he or she says. For instance, when I’m anxious, I choose to hear my dad’s voice with that 100% unconditional love he poured into his children every day. When I doubt myself, I hear my friend’s voice who trusts and believes in me. And when I am fearful, I hear the voice of my earth-angel who prayed for me when my car rolled into the ditch onto its side, and I hung from my seatbelt waiting for the EMT’s. Townsend’s book Leading from the Gut suggests we write down the names of 5 Relational Images. So – take a moment for yourself, do this exercise, and begin to CHOOSE the voices you listen to today. ... See MoreSee Less
THE POWER OF YOUR RELATIONAL IMAGE. We are bombarded with hundreds of messages every day, many unhelpful, anxious and dark. And it’s 24/7, relentless.  Here’s what I suggest:  1) Take just a moment to identify the feeling you’re feeling.  Name it.  2) Call up your relational image, that particular person whose wisdom, love or truth you’ve internalized.  And listen to what he or she says.  For instance, when I’m anxious, I choose to hear my dad’s voice with that 100% unconditional love he poured into his children every day.  When I doubt myself, I hear my friend’s voice who trusts and believes in me.  And when I am fearful, I hear the voice of my earth-angel who prayed for me when my car rolled into the ditch onto its side, and I hung from my seatbelt waiting for the EMT’s.  Townsend’s book Leading from the Gut suggests we write down the names of 5 Relational Images.  So – take a moment for yourself, do this exercise, and begin to CHOOSE the voices you listen to today.

September 18th, 7:48 am

Susan Holt's Coaching Corner
BOUNDARIES BALANCED WITH UNCONDITIONAL LOVE: A SUPERPOWER. In all my coaching venues -life, leadership, parents, families, kids, couples, and even in our own minds, there is one constant that seems to speak to everyone: consistent boundaries balanced with unconditional love. We have authority over our kids to teach them and set firm boundaries, but not to shame and blame when they mess up, which they will. Are you dealing with a difficult partner or family member? Stay kind and loving, speak calmly, but let them know, in a quiet moment, that if it gets too hot in the kitchen, you’re walking away, setting the boundary that will not engage in the rage or the abuse. It works in our minds and hearts as well. As I recover physically and emotionally from fractures due to a car accident, I set boundaries within myself. I can get low, but not too low that I can’t see the way out again. I can feel and express anger, but not let it escalate, so hot that it controls me. I can receive love and food and wholehearted encouragement from my friends, colleagues and family with the boundary that I will not let myself feel like a burden to people who are giving freely. So, my best to you as you find your balance. Please share it with someone and you’ll help them find theirs.

PS: If you are encouraged by my posts, please LIKE MY SUSAN HOLT's COACHING CORNER page. THANKS!
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BOUNDARIES BALANCED WITH UNCONDITIONAL LOVE: A SUPERPOWER.  In all my coaching venues -life, leadership, parents, families, kids, couples, and even in our own minds, there is one constant that seems to speak to everyone: consistent boundaries balanced with unconditional love.  We have authority over our kids to teach them and set firm boundaries, but not to shame and blame when they mess up, which they will. Are you dealing with a difficult partner or family member?  Stay kind and loving, speak calmly, but let them know, in a quiet moment, that if it gets too hot in the kitchen, you’re walking away, setting the boundary that will not engage in the rage or the abuse.  It works in our minds and hearts as well.  As I recover physically and emotionally from fractures due to a car accident, I set boundaries within myself.  I can get low, but not too low that I can’t see the way out again.  I can feel and express anger, but not let it escalate, so hot that it controls me.  I can receive love and food and wholehearted encouragement from my friends, colleagues and family with the boundary that I will not let myself feel like a burden to people who are giving freely.  So, my best to you as you find your balance.  Please share it with someone and you’ll help them find theirs.

PS: If you are encouraged by my posts, please LIKE MY SUSAN HOLTs COACHING CORNER page.  THANKS!

September 6th, 10:14 am

Susan Holt's Coaching Corner
CAN ANYONE BE AN ANGEL? MAYBE. MAYBE NOT. Two days ago I was hit from behind by a car whose driver did not slow down. He barreled into my rear-view mirror and then swerved to miss me but too late. He hit me, then as my car turned, bashed into me again. I spun in the highway and rolled over in the median. My Camry came to rest on its passenger side, while I hung from my seatbelt, my right hand still on the wheel and my left holding on to the open window above me. I was fascinated by how all my belongings had fused together in the door below me. I was alive. I was alive. Then someone slipped their hand into mine at the top of the door and anxiously asked “Are you okay miss?” I said yes. Then no. Then she said “Jesus gotcha.” I told her I was so thankful that Jesus did “have me.” She began to pray and I began to cry. The harder I cried the harder she prayed. Until there was no need for more words or more tears. About two minutes of empathy, and I was calm and collected, all set to be directed by the EMTs and the police as they worked swiftly and professionally. But my soul was healed first. I hear people talk about “angels” who appear and disappear, but this lady was real. She got in her car afterwards and went to work. But she stopped to pray for an absolute stranger not knowing how she’d be received. So don’t hesitate to reach out in the way you are gifted. However that is, and whenever, and to whomever. God will use it. Others will be blessed by it. And without knowing it, you will be someone else’s angel. ... See MoreSee Less
CAN ANYONE BE AN ANGEL?  MAYBE.  MAYBE NOT. Two days ago I was hit from behind by a car whose driver did not slow down.  He barreled into my rear-view mirror and then swerved to miss me but too late. He hit me, then as my car turned, bashed into me again. I spun in the highway and rolled over in the median.  My Camry came to rest on its passenger side, while I hung from my seatbelt, my right hand still on the wheel and my left holding on to the open window above me.  I was fascinated by how all my belongings had fused together in the door below me.  I was alive. I was alive.  Then someone slipped their hand into mine at the top of the door and anxiously asked “Are you okay miss?”  I said yes.  Then no.  Then she said “Jesus gotcha.”  I told her I was so thankful that Jesus did “have me.”  She began to pray and I began to cry.  The harder I cried the harder she prayed.  Until there was no need for more words or more tears.  About two minutes of empathy, and I was calm and collected, all set to be directed by the EMTs and the police as they worked swiftly and professionally.  But my soul was healed first.  I hear people talk about “angels” who appear and disappear, but this lady was real.  She got in her car afterwards and went to work.  But she stopped to pray for an absolute stranger not knowing how she’d be received. So don’t hesitate to reach out in the way you are gifted.  However that is, and whenever, and to whomever.  God will use it.  Others will be blessed by it. And without knowing it, you will be someone else’s angel.

August 30th, 7:09 am

Susan Holt's Coaching Corner
I WAS ALONE for several days. I was busy, I texted, talked on the phone, even went to a movie with friends. And yet….my home and my heart felt empty. I WAS LONELY. What do you do when being alone doggedly morphs into loneliness? I suggest that instead of coping, let’s transform. How? I have a friend who has transformed her world to overcome loneliness. See if it works for you: First, check in with yourself. What emotion are you feeling? “Name it to tame it.” Then share it. Journal it. Be unglued with a safe person in your life. But don’t live there. Take action. My friend literally moved furniture around. She moved her desk into her bay window so she could greet every morning facing the sunrise. Be intentional with your friendships. She keeps the old ones fresh and delights in new ones by constantly coming up with novel experiences to do together. Quick trips, dog walks, thrift shopping. Fill your home with music - not 24/7 political news. Bring home-cooked meals to people who are in distress. And figure out when the dark cloud of sadness most predictably descends on you. For my friend, it is when the sun goes down. So every night, she listens to an interesting audio book and falls asleep early. Thanks, friend. You are an inspiration. ... See MoreSee Less

August 19th, 6:51 pm

Susan Holt's Coaching Corner
FORGIVENESS IS NOT A ONE-AND-DONE. While it frees us from expecting retribution, I’m sorry to say that it does not free us from pain. It’s a complicated thing. For example, I just heard a story about a woman whose husband cheated on her. He has changed. He’s a new man with a new heart. For years he’s given his wife nothing to doubt, only humility and reason to trust. She has done the hard work of forgiving him. She doesn’t want revenge anymore, just a new life together. But every time she drives by the hotel where he brought his mistress, she feels the painful stab of betrayal. “Have I really forgiven him?” she asks. Yes. What she is responding to are the emotional memories, the “triggers” that are still lodged in her “present tense” brain. How can you move your pain to the past? For that, you will need to stay on top of the grief. Cry, be angry, talk about it with a safe person who can accept this part of you. And every time you confront it, you will move one step closer to well-being. ... See MoreSee Less
FORGIVENESS IS NOT A ONE-AND-DONE. While it frees us from expecting retribution, I’m sorry to say that it does not free us from pain.  It’s a complicated thing.  For example, I just heard a story about a woman whose husband cheated on her.  He has changed.  He’s a new man with a new heart.  For years he’s given his wife nothing to doubt, only humility and reason to trust.  She has done the hard work of forgiving him.  She doesn’t want revenge anymore, just a new life together.  But every time she drives by the hotel where he brought his mistress, she feels the painful stab of betrayal.  “Have I really forgiven him?” she asks.  Yes.  What she is responding to are the emotional memories, the “triggers” that are still lodged in her “present tense” brain.  How can you move your pain to the past?  For that, you will need to stay on top of the grief.  Cry, be angry,  talk about it with a safe person who can accept this part of you.  And every time you confront it, you will move one step closer to well-being.
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